Out of My Comfort Zone
I'm an introvert after all.
I'm going out of my comfort zone here, but I think that is the only way we truly grow, and I want to grow; I never want to stop growing!! So, I'm going to share some things that most people don't know about me.
My family is my whole world. I love them immeasurably and fiercely. I was raised to understand that when all else has fallen away, you will have God and family. I was blessed to marry into a family that has those same values, and I adore that. However, the amount of human loss in my family has been tremendous and painful. That loss started even before I was born but has left marks on us that reaches across generations.
I am proud to say that I come from a long line of strong women, and my friends often tell me I'm one of the strongest people they know, but strength only comes from being tried and tested. I now understand that true strength, the kind that endures, comes only from God in our weakness.
The women in my family have grown strong through loss + faith. My grandmother lost her husband to a heart attack at 33 years old (my mom was only 9yo) and then lost her sister in an accidental drowning six weeks later. 7 years after that, she lost a son (and my mom, a brother) in a hit-and-run accident. They grew strong in the Lord. My mom helped raise her other siblings and then raised me for most of my life on her own, displaying the same strength. My paternal grandmother also lost her husband in a fatal car accident. I was hugely influenced by all these strong women.
My almost 24-year marriage has been such a blessing in my life and gave me strong, honorable men to fill the gaps where those who passed had left. But within just a couple of years of the wedding, our losses began. First, my dad passed from a massive heart attack at just 57yo. 4 years later, my mother-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer, and we lost her within the same year. My maternal grandmother died two years after that of a heart attack, and three years later, my father-in-law was diagnosed with lung cancer. He blessed us with a grace-filled walk and left us three years later. We grew strong once again, but only in our strength because we didn't really know the Lord.
These losses have often been such a source of pain and even anger at times, but I am aware, more than ever, that God’s hands have been at work in my life for ages. Even during these losses, he blessed me with a strong marriage and two beautiful boys: 1 miracle in-vitro baby (my precious Nate) and adoption procedures put on hold due to the surprise-of-all-surprises in a 2nd pregnancy (my smile-maker Noah).
His timing is perfect, and His blessings come when I least expect them. His grace and pursuit of me have been relentless, even when my eyes were turned away from Him pursuing other loves and standing in my own strength. He has been waiting in the wings all this time, longing for my eyes to see him fully and call him to the center of my life. That is a relentless and enduring kind of love!!!