Married people are twice as likely as singles to say they are “very happy,” but the scary part is that 60% of married couples aren’t very happy. And there’s little difference in the divorce rate of Christian and non-Christian couples. As married women, we have learned (sometimes painfully) that commitment is everything. Marriage requires us to make a decision to love and respect our husbands, but in the daily grind of life, our wants and desires can often become the dominant force that determines how we live and communicate with our husbands.
Almost all marriage problems stem from unmet expectations. A wife expects her husband to do a certain thing or be a certain way. When he doesn’t live up to her expectations, she becomes anxious and unhappy. He doesn’t measure up, even if he’s just being himself. And vice versa, he has expectations of how she should act, and what she should or shouldn’t do, and when she doesn’t measure up, he becomes unhappy and frustrated.
“What marriage has done for me is hold up a mirror to my sin. It forces me to face myself honestly and consider my character flaws, selfishness, and anti-Christian attitudes, encouraging me to be sanctified and cleansed and to grow in godliness.” –Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage
Tools & Challenges for Growth
Scripture Memory:
One of the best ways to grow spiritually is simply by memorizing scripture and praying it back to God. Bury His Word in your heart:
Use the wallpaper below to put on your phone (press + hold your finger on the pic).
Print it to use as a bookmark.
Write it down in your journal or on index cards.
Pray it out loud each day throughout the month.
Challenge yourself to recite it without peeking.
Quiet Time:
Make it your goal to have quiet time 5 times per week.
Suggested Book:
Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage to Make Us Holy More Than to Make Us Happy - Gary Thomas
Other Book Choices:
Fierce Women: The Power of a Soft Warrior - Kimberly Wagner
The Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God - Tim Keller
As you read or when you’re finished with the book, write a summary of the key insights God gave you and any applications to your life. Think through the following questions:
In what ways did God encourage or challenge me through this book?
Are there any new truths I need to apply to my life?
Personal Challenge:
Scripture Reflection -
Read 1 Corinthians 13:3-8 and journal on these questions: What evidence of God’s handiwork do you see in your spouse? What personal qualities of your spouse do you thank God for?
Read 1 Peter 3:1-2; and 7 and journal on this question: How do you think your spouse would like you to show them respect?
Read Ephesians 5:1-2; 22-28 and journal on this question: Thirty years from now, what things do you hope people will say about how you lived your lives?
Read Philippians 2:3-7 and journal on these questions: How can you improve the way you love your spouse with words? How can you improve the way you listen to your spouse? What are some practical ways you can express your love for your spouse though service?
Marriage Focus (if applicable):
Love Note - This month, write your husband a note and leave it somewhere he will find it when you’re not around. Tell him how you felt when you first fell in love with him. Tell him you love him now and will forever. Tell him how proud you are of him and all that he does for your family. Let him know that you are for him, always! Use those words, or your version of them. Men need to know that they are respected and loved by their wives. Your commitment to always be there is huge, much more important than you think. Come ready to share how it went.
Growth Partner Challenge:
Share with each other how the Love Note went with your husband. Where did you leave it and when did he find it? Talk about his reaction to your words. Then discuss what you’ve been learning through the Scripture reflections.
Other Resources:
Little Things That Make A Big Difference
